Step 1: Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone
If you are going to have unshakeable confidence, you have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone so that you can do things out of the ordinary. You have to stir up that urge burning within you to be extraordinary.
Perhaps you have a brilliant idea that your believe could benefit your company, but you do not know how to share that with your boss. Perhaps you have a crush that you never dared to approach.
The problem that comes with not acting on these desires is that you will stagnate right where you are. Truth is, when you fail to explore new experiences, you are letting fear take away your sunshine. You are simply digging deeper into your zone of comfort. The hole that you have been sitting in for several decades now.
Yes, it may be intimidating to make the first approach into the unknown, risking being embarrassed by failures. But if you think about it, it’s just ‘FEAR’ – False Evidence Appearing Real. What is the worst that could happen? Often times, you are just overthinking. Stepping out of your comfort zone can be so daunting, but it is important if you wish to fulfill your life’s purpose and have unshakeable confidence. This could be the way you can finally prove to yourself that you can achieve anything you set your mind to.
After all, what is the worst that can happen? You can share with your boss and steer the company to success, or the boss simply turns it down. You could ask that girl or boy out, and they could say either yes or no – You also get your answer without wasting too much time guessing. Either way, it is a win-win situation.
The secret to having unshakeable confidence starts with you!
One thing that I will tell you for sure is that to get out of your comfort zone; you have to start by setting micro-goals that will all eventually add up to the bigger picture. Micro-goals simply refers to small pieces of the larger goal you have. When you break your bigger goals into chunks, accomplishing them becomes quite easy, and you will have so much fun while you’re at it. This will also build up your momentum to keep pushing until you have reached your target.
Let us go back to the example we just talked about earlier. So, you have a business idea or strategy that you would like to share with your boss but haven’t gotten the courage to do it. What you can do instead is break your major outcome into smaller goals that eventually yield similar outcomes. Take small steps to get started, no matter how small it is. Instead of taking the big leap and feeling overwhelmed, starting small will take the pressure off you. When you do this, you simply make things quite easy to digest and make follow-ups easy.
So you like that girl or boy and have no courage to tell them how. But he or she may not be single in the first place. So your micro goal should be to establish a rapport with them first before you dive into the deepest end of things. Even before you ask them out on a date, get to know who they are by just initiating a short conversation with her/him. Isn’t that better? This does not sound like you are stalking them.
That said, you have to appreciate that when you set micro-goals, it allows you to step out of your comfort zone. As you achieve your micro-goals one after the other, you will realize that every small wins can help you get the confidence you need to move forward. Challenge yourself that you are going to do something out of the ordinary every day and see how that grows your confidence.
Step 2: Know Your Worth
Did you know that people with unshakeable confidence are often very decisive? One thing that is pretty admirable with successful people is that they do not take too much time trying to make small decisions. They simply do not overanalyze things. The reason why they can make fast decisions is because they already know their big picture, the ultimate outcome.
But how can you define what you want?
The very first step is for you to define your values. According to Tony Robbins, an author, there are two major distinct values; end values and means values. These two types of values are linked to the emotional state you desire; happiness, sense of security, and fulfillment among others.
These simply refer to ways in which you can trigger the emotion you desire. A very good example is money, which often serves as a mean, not an end. It is one thing that will offer you financial freedom, something that you want and hence is a means value.
This refers to emotions that you are looking for, like love, happiness, and a sense of security. They are simply the things that your means values offer. For instance, the money will give you security and financial stability.
In other words, the means value is the things that you think you desire for you to finally get the end values. The most important thing is for you to have clarity on what you value so that you can make informed decisions much faster. This, in turn, will give you a strong sense of identity, and that is where you draw everlasting confidence from. You have to be in control of your life and not the other way round.
One way you can do that is ensuring that you define your end values. You can start by dedicating at least an hour or two each week to write down what your end values are. To get there, start by stating what your values are that you’d like to hone to get to your dream life.
Some of the questions that might help you put things into perspective include; What are some of the things that matter most in your life? Are there things that you do not care about in your life? If you were to make a tough decision, what are some of the values that you will stand by and what are those that you will disregard? If you have or had kids, what are some of the values you will instill in them?
Step 3: Be Ready To Embrace Change
Have you ever found yourself obsessing about the future or the past? This is something that many of us find ourselves doing. However, here is the thing; the person you were five years ago or will be five years from now is very different from who you are right now.
You will notice that five years ago, your taste, interests, and friends were different from what they are today and chances are that they will be different five years from now. The point is, it is critical that you embrace who you are today and know that you are an active evolution.
According to research conducted by Carol Dweck, it is clear that children do well at school once they adopt a growth mindset. In fact, with the growth mindset, they believe that they can do well in a certain subject. This is quite the opposite of what children with a fixed mindset experience because they believe that what they are and all that they have is permanent. Therefore, having the notion that you cannot grow only limits your confidence.
What you should do to embrace all that you are is stopping selfjudgment. Most of the time, we are out there judging people by what they say, how they say it, what they wear, and their actions. In the same way, we judge ourselves in our heads comparing our past and present self.
For you to develop a strong sense of confidence, it is important that you start by beating the habit of self-judgment and negative criticism. Yes, this is something that can be difficult at first, but when you start to practice it, you realize how retrogressive that was.
You can start by choosing at least one or two days every week when you avoid making any judgment at all. If you have got nothing good to say, don’t say it. If there is a negative thought that crosses your mind, you replace it with a positive one. Gradually, your mind will start priming to a state of nonjudgment, and it will soon become your natural state of mind. This will not only help you embrace others but also accept yourself for who you truly are.
Step 4: Be Present
Sounds simple, right? It is important and necessary that you build your confidence. By being present, you are simply allowing your mind, body, and soul to be engaged in the task at hand.
Let us imagine speaking to someone that is not listening to what you are saying. This is something that has probably happened to a good number of us. How did you feel? On the other hand, imagine speaking to someone, and you feel like you were the only person in the room. Feels pretty special, huh?
The reason why you feel special is that they were present at that moment. They paid very close attention to what you were saying, feeling every emotion with you. They were engaged in the conversation at a deeper level. This way, you can retain information while still experiencing empathy.
To be present, you have to develop a mental double-check. This simply means that you should mentally check-in on yourself regularly. To do that, you have to develop a mental trigger or calendar when you ask yourself where your mind is. This is the time when you act as an observer of your mind.
Are you thinking of dinner reservations while in a meeting? Do you think that you are not good enough? To call yourself out of these negative thoughts means that you mentally check in on yourself every often. Once you have the answer to your question, take in a deep breath and bring back your focus on your most important things.