I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s golf game: it’s called an eraser.
Arnold Palmer
Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
Earl Wilson
A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water.
Bob Ryan
That putt had more breaks than a government job.
Brian Weis
The only thing that scares me is the Americans’ dress sense.
Mark James
The last thing you want to do is shoot 80 wearing ‘tartan troosers’.
Ian Poulter
Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.
David Feherty
Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can’t play it.
Ted Ray
Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five.
Paul Harvey
(Arnold Palmer) told me how I could cut eight strokes off my score – skip one of the par 3s.
Bob Hope
An extra ball in the pocket is worth two strokes in the bush.
Anon
A Major golf tournament is 40,000 sadists watching 144 masochists.
Thomas Boswe
It’s not hard to find Gerald Ford on a golf course – just follow the wounded.
Bob Hope
Golf is like marriage, If you take yourself too seriously it won’t work, and both are expensive.
Anon
Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.
A.A. Milne
I wouldn’t bet anyone against Byron Nelson. The only time he left the fairway was to pee in the bushes.
Jackie Burke
Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money.
Lee Trevino
If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.
Bob Hope
An interesting thing about Golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.
Anon
What do I have to shoot to win the tournament? The rest of the field.
Roger Maltbie
Bob Hope has a beautiful short game. Unfortunately, it’s off the tee.
Jimmy Demaret
Lee Trevino is the only man I know who talks on his backswing.
Charley McClendon
Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf.
Jack Benny
If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.
Anon
Why am I using a new putter? Because the last one didn’t float too well.
Craig Stadler
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
Hank Aaron
Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.
James Patrick Murray
I play golf every chance I get. The world needs more laughter.
Bob Hope
A trick shot is a ‘Dennis Wise’ – a ‘nasty five-footer’.
Des Kelly
A lucky bounce is an OJ Simpson- ‘got away with it somehow’.
Des Kelly
Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated.
Arnold Palmer
There are three roads to ruin; women, gambling, and golf. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is with golf.
Andrew Perry
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
Tiger Woods
Real golfers have 2 handicaps: one for bragging and one for betting.
Anon
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
Anon
Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.
Bruce Lansky
To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
Anon
I played so bad, I got a get-well card from the IRS.
Johnny Miller
I played crap, he played crap. He just outcrapped me.
Wayne Grady
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Mark Twain
Corey Pavin is the only golfer whose practice swing is worse than his actual swing.
Johnny Miller
Golf is like a love affair. If you don’t take it seriously, it’s no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart.
Arthur Daley
When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.
Anon
Golf is a marriage. If I had to choose between my wife and my putter, well, I would miss her.
Gary Player
Drive for show, putt for dough, shank for comic relief.
Anon